Dear Annie:
I found a journal from 6 years ago. Forgot I put it away. I wrote about my mother’s death and how unsupportive my (ex)husband was at that time when I needed him most. I also wrote about him and the things that frustrated, angered, hurt and confused me. I know now that I was living in denial, trying to make the best out my marriage and be a good little wife.
My question is, should I keep the pages I filled with angst about him, or should I burn them in effigy and find the closure I long for?
Sadness in revelation
Dear Sadness:
Because you wrote extensively about these frustrations and the fact that he’s now your ‘ex’ indicates to me that you were never able to communicate these feelings in any detail to him and that’s a deal breaker. No long term relationship can withstand one partner dictating terms while the other stuffs their own needs. Needing sympathetic support from a spouse when a parent dies is Marriage 101 so if he couldn’t do that, there were probably plenty of other things he couldn’t do which left you alone to “make the best” of your marriage but since that can only be done by two people you were stranded on an island.
Considering what I just said and what you probably know intrinsically already, keeping the journal filled with anger towards him serves only one good purpose and that’s to remind you of what not to do in future relationships. If you think it would make a nice reference manual, hold on to it for a reminder or future tell-all book on Oprah.
‘Closure’ will not come as a result of any action with this journal but the daily knowledge that you deserve a solid relationship with someone who cares about you as much as you care about them.
- Annie