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Madoff Fraud Victim Thanks Bernie
Boca Raton, FLORIDA (FP) Edna Gildensteen, wealthy widowed socialite, wants to personally thank Bernie Madoff, creator of the largest Ponzi scheme in history, for robbing her blind of millions of dollars. Sound crazy? Maybe not, according to Gildensteen, who says now that losing everything might have been the best thing to ever happen to... »
American Idol Over-Tweaking?
HOLLYWOOD, California (FP) The 2009 version of American Idol paired down to 13 for the final run towards crowning a champion. Odd enough was the surprise addition of a 13th contestant, one up from the usual Top 12, but sources say that the Idol producers have even added a 14th singer into the mix.... »
Beer Baby Bubbly Over Brew
PONTIAC, Michigan (FP) Two month old Gregg Martin quickly rejected his mother’s milk and any baby formula thrown his way. Now, the only thing the youngster is interested in is beer. “He cried as if he was hungry,” lamented the baby’s mother, Irene Martin, “but when I gave him the formula bottle he cried... »
Pack-Rat Creates Homemade Mausoleum
SHINGLES, Idaho (FP) “We knew she was in there somewhere”, said Christopher Johnson after finally locating his mother among the estimated 180 tons of old newspapers, bank statements and assorted debris that claimed every square inch of her 2 bedroom ranch-style home. Unfortunately, Johnson’s mother, Esmerelda Pemberton, had passed away nearly a year prior... »
Angry Son Marries Grandmother to Get Back at Parents
MUNIE, Arizona (FP) According to Billy Seezer, he was angry at his parents nearly his entire childhood and from the time he left home, at age 19, he searched desperately for a way to “even the score”. Now 26, Seezer moved to Cakeview, Florida last year to carry out his master plan; a stunning... »
Unusual New Year’s Resolution Puts Man in ’65 Buick
LAZEVILLE, Indiana (FP) How’s this for a New Year’s Resolution? Corporate life-coach, John Bonhomie, pledged to his wife and children that he would be spending the next year in their restored 1965 Buick LeSabre. For Bonhomie, home-life had simply gotten to hectic for his taste so he’s moved all of his essentials into the... »
Wyoming Man Sees Miracle in the Linoleum
PRESLEY, Wyoming (FP) A wave of biblical images on various objects in the past couple of months has now spread to linoleum. Yes, that’s right, linoleum. One day recently, Percival Goingetty was taking his morning bathroom constitution when he began to stare at the linoleum beneath his feet and, before long, saw the clear... »
Dyslexic Man Revels In Stock Market Downturn
REMINGTON, Rhode Island (FP) It’s hard to find anyone with a kind word for the stock market these days but John Harbinger is absolutely ecstatic with the downturn after years of prosperous return. You see, Harbinger has a rare form of dyslexia that skewers his view of graphs and believes that the market is... »
Horrified Family Watches As Man Jumps Through TV
ROCHESTER, New York (FP) Steve Bargershin’s wife and two children knew that their father was highly agitated over his impending fantasy football loss but nobody expected it to go further than that. Bargershin began the televised Monday Night Football game a reasonably safe 15 points ahead of his opponent but things began to unravel... »
Football Father Creates Cash Cow
HARDON, Pennsylvania (FP) College football recruiters scour the nation each year in search of top-notch talent but for some lucky coach it’s going to be a one-stop shopping visit to the home of Leonard Fitzenstartz and his 6 boys. “Some of my buddies thought me and my wife was in for a rough go... »